Wednesday, December 29, 2010

To Be A Hillbilly, You Have To Have Hills

So what did you get for Christmas? Did you get a t-shirt purported to have special and amazing powers? I did. Thanks to my cousin Chris, I am now the owner of the Three Wolf Moon t-shirt that, I learned this weekend, is somewhat of a phenomenon. I am not normally a believer in magic, but this shirt will apparently change my tune. I don't make this stuff up people, despite what you may think. Click here and scroll down for some awesome reviews. There are over 1700 testimonials to the shirt's "powers", most of which are pretty hilarious. I have yet to take this bad boy on its maiden voyage, but trust me, I will pick the right time and report my results back immediately. I am going to Jacksonville, FL in February where I think it might make a big splash, but I need to test drive it first. The northern part of Florida is full of dangerous rednecks, so I need to be sure of what this thing can do before I put myself in a bad situation. Rednecks by definition are dangerous (because they are stupid), but the ones in north Florida are a special breed. North Florida is like the Fertile Crescent for cooking crystal meth and impregnating your teen-aged relatives. I know that I am not offending any north-Florida swamp-billies here, because none of them can read. So picture a bunch of these people when confronted with me in a t-shirt packed with mystical powers.... I either need to be Jesus, or I am getting my ass beat. Or more likely, dragged to death behind a pick-up truck and dumped in a lake. When you confuse drunken idiots on meth-amphetamines, the outcome is not going to be to your liking, I can guarantee that.

For now, though, let's focus on more immediate issues: 
  • Deckard's is the place to be on New Year's Day. We will be tapping a firkin of Terrapin Wake & Bake at noon. There will also be Left Hand Wake Up Dead (yes, the one I told you about a few weeks ago!), Bell's Java Stout and Founders Breakfast Stout available. They will have some hang-over helper special brunch items ready as well. That means food. Or a tricked-out Bloody Mary with Old Bay seasoning and all kinds of goodness. We discussed the mimosas last week. Deckard's will also have coffee from Jittery Joe's in Athens, which is the coffee used to make Wake & Bake. I will be there for the cask and some of the 1:00 pm bowl games. I know of a few other local beer people who will be on hand too. You can lay on the sofa at home like a sack of potatoes with the rest of the weaklings all day if you want, but the strong people will be toasting a new year early and often at Deckard's. 
The only other thing I have for you is ABSOLUTELY HUGE! On Thursday, January 13th from 7:00 to 9:00 pm we will be welcoming a new brewery into GA at our Kennesaw location. The owner & brew master from Port Brewing/Lost Abbey will be in town along with his fantastic beers. To clear up any confusion, these are two lines of beers from the same brewery. Belgian-style beers come under the "Lost Abbey" label and their American-style ales are "Port Brewing Co." brands. I was there in October, and if a band of heavily intoxicated rednecks had suddenly shown up and murdered me, I would have still died a happy man. The San Diego trip was filled with highlights (losing my camera was not one of them), and the Port/Lost Abbey visit was probably the highest of the highlights. I do not know all of the beers we will have yet, but I will let you know as soon as I find out. Now if you are the kind of person who gets really excited to meet legendary beer personalities--and you know who you are--I need you to get a hold of yourself for this one. There will be no dry-humping of the brewer, OK. 

That's all I have for you today. If you are near The Fred bar on Friday, I will be there for a while. I should be gone before all of the midnight craziness ensues. I used to go big on New Year's Eve, but now it just looks like a bunch of idiots in paper hats making noise and getting drunk for no reason. Why do people insist on doing what the rest of the world tells them to do and when to do it? Go get drunk on any other night of the year. Don't wear green on St. Patrick's Day. Don't go to a Mexican restaurant and drink margaritas on May 5th. Think for yourself for once for Christ's sake. Be original. Like a lone wolf....Or a lone wolf with two other lone wolves, howling at the moon. Something like that.

From My September Trip-Sierra Brewhouse

From My September Trip-Sierra Brewhouse
This is the top floor of the brewhouse, with buckets of fresh hops about to go into the kettles.