Monday, August 10, 2009

Drinking Affects Your, Uh, What Do You Call It?

OK, since everyone's schedules are so damn hectic these days, and let's face it, your memory isn't what it used to be, I am going to try to simplify the August calendar of beer events for you. "How, Fred, how can you simplify a dizzying array of events scattered all over metro Atlanta?" If you guessed the Bobby Brown Word Association Game (cue music), that is, um incredible really. I don't know how you came up with that, since I just thought of it myself. Or did I? Did I already think this up when I was drinking, told you about it, then forgot it myself altogether, only to remember it now as a completely original idea? That is the only logical solution. I gotta be more careful about who I tell my ideas to when I'm drinking. I have some pretty good inventions I'm working on to make my vast fortune. Or do you already know that, too? Hmmm. If you invent the pillow that always stays cold, I swear to god I will buy 4 or 5 of them. Seriously, I am totally willing to share that idea, in hopes that someone out there gets off his or her ass and invents a pillow that stays cold. Who does not love the cool side of the pillow? What if every side of every pillow was like that side of the pillow. I have shared my genius with the world, now somebody get to work. I will buy my own idea! I don't care how ironic that may be. I just want the pillow!! Enough already, let's get back to the Bobby Brown Word Association Game.

If you find yourself in a fog about the next August beer event, just think about what is probably the best part of your day, excluding sex, finding money, watching your boss get electrocuted, or personally throwing a touchdown pass in the Super Bowl: Having your first beer. Here's how it works. You're in quotations, I'm not:

Wanna open a beer?
"Hell yes."
OK, you're gonna open a beer. Use the common vernacular. You're gonna........"
"Crack open a beer?"
Right! Now think of crack....
"Whitney Houston!"
Yes, now stay with me. Houston we have.....
"A problem? Tom Hanks, Apollo 13!"
No, not Tom Hanks. Whitney Houston's has a problem named....
"Bobby Brown?"
Who sings.....
"Humpin' Around"?
Which reminds you of which day of the week?
"Hump day........Wednesday!"

Bingo! And there, friends, is all you need to know about the August special beer event calendar. Bobby Brown. Just think about cracking open a beer, and the rest just falls logically into place. As far as the locations go, well I don't know, write it down or something. I can't do all of the thinking for you.

1.) This Wednesday we have the owner of Uinta Brewing Co. in town from Utah (he's not one of those Utah people). He will be at Metropolis, and we have a keg of his Uinta Wyld on tap. It is a pale ale style made with a Belgian yeast. Tasty and not exactly easy to find. Metropolis has also agreed to release a case of their 2008 Uinta Barley Wine for the event. I will tell you, I had an '07 North Coast Old Stock from my stash last night, and August is just fine for barley wine. I hope you can come by and taste these beers and say hello.

2.) Next Wednesday the 19th is Red Brick Keller Bier-Oktoberfest day. A keller (cellar in German) beer is a term for cask-conditioned German beers, served from their conditioning vessel, a la olden days. German beers as we know them have mostly taken to modern engineering to perfect and stabilize their flavors. Keller beer is old, old-school. Red Brick is taking a test batch of this year's Oktoberfest and cask-conditioning them for a little experiment. We will be serving these casks at: Canton, Decatur, Mall of GA, Metropolis and Woodstock. Savvy readers may notice that Woodstock is a new addition to this list of stores with beer engines. Well, I have it on good authority that they will have one installed by Wednesday. Much rejoicing in Cherokee County I am sure. There will be Red Brick people at each of these locations to chat with you folks about beer, Whitney Houston, cold pillows, whatever you want really. I am not sure which location I will be at yet. That is, um, my prerogative. C'mon, you knew it was coming sooner or later!

3.) Wednesday the 26th we will have the president and brew master from Duck Rabbit Brewing Co. in NC, Paul Phillipon, at our Perimeter store. He will be bringing some special beers with him, possibly including some new things he is working on, and most likely a cask of some sort. If you have never met Paul, he is an extremely pleasant and gregarious person. We did a 3-year vertical tasting of his barley wines in Suwanee this past January. If you missed it, you missed out. I will give you more details on the beers once Paul gets them to me, I promise. Help make Perimeter's 2nd special event ever a success. Sorry, I just forget about that store most of the time.

That is all I have for you right now. If anyone has any information about the Bobby Brown road that overpasses I-85 by the airport, I would love to hear about it. I truly hope that there was some important civic leader named Robert "Bobby" Brown that did some wonderful things for Atlanta in the past. Because if that road is named after that jail-bird, drug-addict freak of an ex-husband of the crack-head diva extraordinaire, that's sad. Imagine the people coming in from the airport from out of town, "Is that really a road named after.....that Bobby Brown? No, it can't be. Not after the time he......and then he got busted with the.........and that crazy-ass TV show with his wife yelling all the time? No way." Yes way. Welcome to Atlanta. Crack is whack.

Have a great week everyone.